Monday, December 14, 2009

What To Do When a Relationship Expires

Everyone has been there once or twice. Your friend meets new friends, and you begin becoming best friends with yourself.  It's not intentional, and, of course, it doesn't happen quickly. You wean yourself. You start noticing that you're not going as many places with your friend as you used to. The conversations you used to have are now dry. The memories you once shared can only be recalled by stumbling upon old pictures instead of "remember when" chats. Your friendship has evolved into a casual acquaintance, but that's not the problem; the problem is that you are OK with that.

And that's fine. In fact, congratulations! You may be experiencing growth! Not that it's a good excuse to end relationships. It is part of life.

The problem is when we stay in our friendships or other relationships because of habit. We get caught up in doing the same things every day, hanging out at the same time and going the same places. We talk about the same things and seem to identify with the same feelings. But at the end of the day, we feel empty and mistake these habits as our identity.

Then, something happens. During the shower or while in the car, we start to think! We start asking ourselves, "Why do I hang out with this person? Am I doing things I don't like doing just to be around this person? Who am I, and is this person helping me be the best me I can be?" This is awareness. Answering these questions might lead to terminating some of your relationships, or it could bring you closer.

Regardless, relationships are not going to stay the same as they started. We get older, wiser, and sometimes stupider. Some relationships only reflect who we are at the moment and die as soon as we change. Others constantly evolve for the better. It is fine that you aren't the same person you used to be. Your friend has probably changed too.

So when you see an old friend, don't be angry about the ended relationship. Smile, give them a pat on the back and be thankful that they helped usher you into a new awareness of yourself. Now, that's a true friend, even if they really aren't any longer.



Brandon Gillespie, Contributing Writer

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